Why I do not deserve Love from the other half.

Well first off have you had a chance to look at me, I look 35 (or More), stressed and constantly working.
I know that I have to work on the behalf of what my father(Family) couldn't do. Well it is how it is. If one of the generation slacks over and doesn't do what they are supposed to, i.e, earn and provide this just send the family to the situation of utter misery and distress. Well it took me some years to pick up the slack. I am sure the family won't sustain if I am lost.

Well if that doesn't tell why I should not be what my father was. I forgive you, I had to do it. It made me courageous, making me I must imply.

Well as a person that grew up in poverty and loosing what I hold will send me back to one. Why should anything else matter to me. I am fighting for my survival here.

Invested every single penny to making what today is called Bhasika, I have nothing left. No money, no assets just this name and some skills that I have gathered along the way.

Where am I going to keep you if you were to exist. As a man I could not even provide you with security. I am hanging on the thread of distraction.

What if Bhasika doesn't work out. Well back to square one, will have nothing.

And I presume it doesn't matter as well because I woun't be able to provide and I will have no one and nothing that requires me, I will be left with myself to reflect back on what I lost to this life, other than myself.

Sad, but it is how I would like to end my lineage. One should only do what one is capable of, starting a family is a very big undertaking, if one can't do that. You should not drift in the wave of lust. Mindless people.