I found my trash again

After my previous love attempt failed miserably before 2022-7-8 don't know an exact date, I keep myself distant from what people calls unconditional love. Felt miserable, took therapy and came to a conclusion, I was not ready, I wanted affection and not knew how to love. Life went by, threw every desire of falling in love in the trash and threw it away.
Till Few weeks I was confident that no women can attract me, but I happen to stumble upon the trash bag once again.

I want to talk to you, learn about you and then leave you as I have been doing all the years. Lets Count how many times I have been in so called Love and what it gave me.
1st after SLC 2012 lasted till 2014, with around 5 years older lady, found out she had some kind of disease and doesn't feel like a lady, emotionless women. That haunted me till 9 January 2022.

Again I picked up that trash till 2022-7-8.
On the 2nd attempt I realized that the emotional bond did not reciprocate. That kept me wondering, if I am with the right person. Let me share one particular story, on video calls she used to ask me to come hug her but in real life she was a completely different person, I was in dilemma if were the same person.

Ultimately, We had a fight, I waited for her after office for a long time, I really wanted to see her, we used to work at different offices, she came late and told me she was with the team and it wasn't her to leave team over me.

I made my decision that I came here to see her, I saw her, booked my ride to never see her again. I was in too deep, took me a huge effort to break that attachment.

Leaving life of a sage since then, have nothing to expect from person, working on improving myself.

I found my trash again

A AP Dhillon's Girlfriend's Look alike. Who are you?